Azelena's thoughts conquer your mind..

Sacrificial Piece

2012-01-24T08:02:00.002+02:00

I've started writing again as I intended. Though on a new story instead of continuing the old ones. I guess it will provide a nice diversity. It can be found here: Sacrificial Piece

I also bought the monthly travelling card for the subway, I'll be using it a lot.

The internet stick is terrible. I really need an alternative method for it.

My computer is getting old as well and needs to be replaced. Formatted at the very least. I get more bluescreens than not.

The computer hates this stick about as much as I do.

Good food is good. I went to sleep early last night so this morning I woke up around 5AM, made myself some sandwiches and Yellow Label tea. Add chocolate bars and computer. Would be perfect if I did not have to re-plug the stick all the time because it's retarded like that.

I feel a bit tired/ill/exhausted today and might skip going out. Will see how things stand after a relaxing shower.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Keep on writing and being active!"

Until next time

PS: I hope I'm not getting sick. Would suck.

Still in Sweden.

2012-01-22T23:15:00.001+02:00

   As it is now, I am still in Sweden. Now in Stockholm and hopefully more permanently.

   I have a paid job. Yay!

   Some paper-business still needs fixing. Migration for example... Bank card...

   I need to start writing again, especially now that I have a lot of free time.

   And money!

   I need to stop wasting my time on things that do not return my effort. Such as WoW. And other people

I need water-heater, proper internet, some awesome towels and shower essentials and more good food. This one is running out.

  Tonight is oven baked salmon with baked potatoes and sauce. Add butter!
   Gaming with Cliodna for inspiration. Check.

   I should pick up SFI (Swedish for Immigrants) or Aikido or something else that is not strictly computer related. Why not both?

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Write. Get a life."

Gud Natt

PS: Seriously, I need to swap my day and night around. For now.

Day 1?

2011-08-30T02:49:00.001+03:00

   Things have been different lately. Better perhaps? Yes, probably. Mostly just different. I now live in Sweden. I enjoy life. I do Aikido again. I study Swedish. I have one and a half friends in Estonia. I like it. I like to visit. I do not want to stay. Home is here now, in Sweden. I am learning how to cook. I enjoy it. Yet... something is missing? Or lacking. Or perhaps just bugging me slightly. And I cannot say what it might be. Lack of things to be mad at? Everything is way too picture perfect for my liking. It feels like... too good? If this life were to come to an end, would I be able to return to what I come from? Probably not. Then where would I go and what would become of me. Perhaps this is what is bugging me. I am liking it here a bit too much.
   After I started Aikido again I feel refreshed. I have more energy now. A bit too much seeing it's half past one. At night. But I write again. I design again. I love the people that surround me at home, at Aikido, at parties and movies, cafés, in the book store... They all seem much more relaxed and much less judgemental. My friends in Sweden like me as I am. They do not try to change me, they do not try to give their opinion unless asked for, they do not judge me for my oddities - quite opposite. They like me because I am not entirely normal. And I like them for the very same reason. Because of the many different cultures bound into the country, they have learned to accept, cherish and admire difference, whilst in Estonia it is glared upon as if a curable(?) disease. My parents being a perfect example of just that. I am happy that they have now started to realize it themselves. A dosage of Swedish courtesy and charm worked it's magic on their understanding of the world better then my words ever could. Who would have thought I actually want them to visit?
   I will pick up Sealed Away again. And a lot of other dropped projects.
   Some of you, friends or not, might appreciate my writings regardless.
   I suggest you would watch TV series called Wilfred. Main actor there is Elijah Wood and he is not much different from Frodo other than his way of speech. It is a comedic type of series and may seem as "OMG IT'S FRODO" at first but after a couple of episodes you will watch Lord of the Rings with a completely new understanding. Mindblowing, mindfucking and hilarious. That should sum it up.

   Other than that I have also finished Divinity II second part which I managed to miss the first time around. It is just as good as the first. First lacks some parts that second has and vice-versa so in the end I think it is just to say they are equally awesome. If you fancy a good lore that is not forced into your face and some fancy combat, this game is for you. The complete game with both part I and part II is called the Dragon Knight Saga if I am not entirely mistaken. The first part is called Ego Draconis and the second part is Flames of Vengeance. Do not mistake the first part for Divinity I. They are both Divinity II. Divinity I is something completely different. Also the game Deus Ex III that came out recently seems good. Personally I do not like playing shooting games as I suck at aiming, but those of you who like it, might find it enjoyable. It also has a good lore. At the very least it is fun to watch.
   Off-topic: it is irritatingly rainy and cold here. Has been most all summer. Nuisance. Utterly annoying. Even though I do not like hot and sunny, it does not mean I prefer wet and cold. Couldn't I compromise for something in-between?
   I'm 21. I think I am growing up. About time too! Unless it means growing old. In that case I prefer to stay at my current mental level. Stage. Thing.
   Point is, I am not dead. I may seem dead, act dead and not even breathe but I am still alive. And kicking if anyone of you manages to get close enough for a poke. Sealed Away will be updated approx sometime in this week. Not impossible it is tomorrow. Anyone else I owe stories to may receive them within this week or next, depending on your luck, astrological sign, my mood and other fairly irrelevant excuses I can come up with.
   Also My mom threw away my black monster from Hell. Those of you who had the chance to meet the beast probably understand why she would be afraid of the creature. Either way she decided it would be best to remove it from my Estonian sleeping chambers in case my grandmother who resided there would decide to take a detour from her usual moving pattern. Which is not all too unlikely as she shamelessly claims to have read my mother's diary in the past and sees nothing wrong in that. Thank god internet is just a myth to her. She would be dangerous O.o

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"I should probably not list "go to Aikido" here as I actually intend to keep that one for the sake of humanity and the rest of the worthless realm. I could however list continue cooking, play less Sims 3 (DO NOT ASK, DO NOT FUCKING ASK!), check up on my Guild more often than once a month >.<, study Swedish and Japanese more often, especially the first of the two. Write, write, write, write. Yes, under the "NOT to keep" section, I know. But I also know my moods change more often than my socks. I make no promises, or did I? I'll try at least. Give me some credit."

Hej do? Damn typing Swedish is not as easy as saying it.

PS: *probably to be added during the day if I grow bored of cooking/Sims 3/writing/designing*

It hurts inside my head.

2011-03-22T23:08:00.000+02:00

   I have a headache. Almost constantly. I do not like this.
   I should write something. Since I can't I figured I should at least write SOMETHING. Thus the non-sense here.
   Dragon Age 2 - check
   Assassin's Creed Brotherhood - In Progress
   The Witcher - In Progress

   Japan was fun. Pictures on Facebook. Details.... maybe added later.
   Sealed Away stalled. Motivation 0.
   "Working" on something new. It means I think about working on something new more often than not. I do not get past thinking.
   Games bore me.
   I want to write. But I have a barrier inside my head. I wonder if I can demolish it?

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Write bitch, write! Sealed Away or anything! Do something that has a meaning for longer than the duration of the action itself. Making your bed does NOT count as a meaningful activity. Then again, moving even as much is better than what you normally do... oh well.. MOVE!"

Until next time. Possibly in next life seeing how often I write now.

PS: There is no PS.

20th and 21st June in Gothenburg.

2010-06-22T14:03:00.000+03:00

   20th June was a Sunday so our options to buy alcohol were rather limited due to the very fucked up laws in Sweden. I can not recall the full deal but basically majority of Swedish laws are very dumb. Either way we all went to Lorky's place for Lich King lan.
   The lan was a horrible fail. Everyone failed so hard. I got rid of my blue screens of death though. But the raid... oh god. Well "fail" is probably the only word to describe it. I think Nérfmé recorded me raping Styrnoob with my vibrator. Hopefully he won't post it on the forums.
   21st June started silently with nice weather. Me and Rihm played some Heroes of the Might and Magic III on one computer for a while before we headed out to Mafórtion's place. The place was big and lovely. Mafórtion and his girlfriend were very lovely. Also Blizzaga and Mafórtion's brother Rekishi (Warlock) were there. They had a little orange kitten too who slept inside an inner pocket of a jacket. He was really cute.
   The rest of the evening went as expected. Everyone got wasted, talked about guild stuff, tortured the cat, played music. Actually both Rekishi and Mafórtion play guitar so we got to hear them play and sing some to it, like "Fuck me gently". Over all the night was lovely. Styrnoob cried at some point and then we went to gay hug him. Meaning we did group hugs for about twenty minutes.
   Very lovely and nice people. Exactly how I want my guild to be. I feel like a successful mother xD. Later some horde guy joined us. If I was him I would not dare to walk into a party with about 8 drunk alliance guys :D. He was also nice though. I wish life was like this every single day. Though this will be one of the most awesome memories I have.
   Got home safely, went to sleep.
   Oh right, Rihm made me a bath on 20th June. It was so hot that even though I waited for like an hour I could not go in it. So I had to improvise and make the entire bathroom wet xD.
   Today, I have promised to fry some potatoes and make pancakes. Later Praygost (Priest) will be coming. He will probably sleep at Mafórtion's place. Styrnoob's mom is away somewhere so he has invited us all to his place for a party. He keeps saying he can fit four people in his bed. I wonder why? We will all go raid his place tonight then I guess.
   Other than that my allergy is being a it annoying. Else life is good.
   Lorky has evil pains :( It is hard to watch, especially when I know I can't do anything to help. Maybe a gay train? We did a train with chairs where everyone was massaging the shoulders of the person in front of them. I was not topless, others were. It was quite fun.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Do the website I am supposed to do. Write some. Party like an animal. Raid Styrnoobs home. Pancakes. Potatoes."

Guild Meetings For The Win!

PS: Nérfmé is missing out xD Ha Ha!

Sweden. Gothenburg. Guild meeting.

2010-06-20T14:05:00.003+03:00

   I arrived in Gothenburg on 18th of June and I was greeted by my guild mates Rihm (DK), Lorky (DK) and Sjobbe (Warrior). All three are very awesome people. The trip to/from airport costs 80SEK. Wtf. Rip off. Either way Sjobbe who is also not from Gothenburg went with Lorky to his place and I went with Rihm to his. It's quite lovely area except for the fact everything is dirty as shit. The entire Gothenburg actually looks like only drug addicts, alcoholics and hookers live here. But it may be because of the princess getting married and there was an event here called Metal Town. Good music + booze = City of drug addicts. Regardless, if the area was clean, it would be very pretty.
   Later same day Lorky and Sjobbe came to Rihm's place. It is quite lovely small apartment with one room and bathroom. The kitchen is separated by a see-through wall. Dusty place, otherwise clean. I put my crap all over the place as I unpacked. Abusive! Female domination! Either way Lorky brought rum, Sjobbe brought beer and Rihm had some heavy vodka so we made the best use of them. Sjobbe became good friends with a big black vibrator. Afterwards Lorky's friend invited him to some beer tent and we decided to go as well. We were trolled though as there was no tent, so we ended up going to some pub to which I could not enter. In Sweden you need an ID card to enter a pub no matter how old you look like and I had forgotten mine back at Rihm's. Oh well, smooth talking the guards did not work out either so back to Rihm's place it was. We continued the drinking and talking and finally went to sleep. Rihm claimed his bed, Lorky slept next to the couch, I got the couch and Sjobbe got the extra bed.
   Morning was nice. Except for Lorky who was hung over. He and Sjobbe went home. We went there too later and invited another guildie Styrnoob (Mage and his name is like Styrbjoern or something but I never remember how to write it so Styrnoob it is). He looked a bit different from the rest of us with his darker skin and dark hair. In the game he would not shut up, but IRL he barely spoke a word. We aim to fix him.
   Pizzas and more junk food at Lorky's place we set up our lan party. It is quite small place so it was cramped but we managed. Lorky played behind his PC and the rest of us had laptops, which come decided to whine about. Some funny music, whining, torturing people on Ventrillo later - we downed all bosses up to Lich King. Today, on Sunday, we will go back there to kill him. Then we will probably meet up with Blizzaga (Shaman) and/or Mafortion (Hunter, Warrior) and get shitfaced. Or that's how I see it. We might just go to the movies at some point.
   Oh and Lorky is a cook wannabe so he promised to make us good fish soup today and some chicken dinner for the full guild on Tuesday. Praygost (Priest) will be joining us on Tuesday. I think he is like 50? So full dinner was promised for us. Hopefully he is not as bad as me. I managed to fuck up noodles o.o. The salad was decent though. That aside the current plans are: fish soup, kill Lich King, get shitfaced. Dinner on Tuesday. Movies some day to watch some 3D movie. Amusement park. More drinking!
   That should be about all. Rihm snores. I have kiwis! And salad...hmmm...hunger... Rihm is still asleep. I battle with my allergies :P.
   Basically, so far it has been faultlessly excellent. Some scientist actually calculated that 18th of June is the happiest day in 2010. I don't know how they came to that conclusion but I fucking agree :P. Again - so far, not a single thing has been bad or even remotely under good. Everything is excellent. I can only hope it stays that way.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"New guild meeting! These are excellent. I love my guild. We will SO DOWN LICH KING or I slap them with the black vibrator."

Welcome Home!

PS: I mean I could totally live here even though it is a bombhole of druggies. Great people make the environment! Something Estonia lacks. Here everyone is unique and it is considered weird to look like everyone else. Back home, if you differ, you are a freak. In Sweden everyone is freaks! I am truly home :P. Oh yeah, and my laptop is giving random Blue screens of Death. No comment. Lorky's place is cursed.

Update vol2.

2010-05-20T18:45:00.001+03:00

Today, I got rid of my braces. Yay! Finally. It feels so weird to eat.
Today, I also looked around in a book store and found a whole lot of books with interesting titles. They were mostly about vampires. It seems to have become a new trend of some sort. However neither of those books seemed very popular. I can't help but to feel Sealed Away will be yet another catchy name between the countless of wannabe vampire stories. Sigh.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Finish the TO DO list."

*braceless smile!*

PS: Roleplaying should be a paid job.

To update you about my life, those who care xD

2010-05-19T14:48:00.008+03:00

   First of all I now own a brand new laptop from Ordi. It is almost better than my PC and I use it most of the time in my bed. Right now I am in a 24/7 pizzeria in the same building that my dad works at. Luckily enough their Internet connection at work is so good I can actually access it at full quality here at the pizzeria.
   I will now also make more posts here. I know I have promised it countless of times but this time I actually have a reason. I will be going to Sweden in June. That's right! From 18th June to 27th I will be in Gothenburg entertaining my fellow guild mates in WoW. We have an irl meeting! Might sound nolife to you but doesn't meeting people irl count as life? We will play WoW naked and go out to get wasted. I will update you.
   From 28th of June to 4th of July I will reside in Stockholm with some family friends. I will be babysitting their kids for that time. I adore those kids. They are not loud nor annoying and already know more languages fluently than me.
   After that I will fly to... JAPAN! Yes, you can read it again because it is true and I am not bluffing. The tickets have been purchased, the family is waiting and everything is sorted to the last detail. I will be spending the rest of the summer there. First whole July in Matsuyama (An island of Japan) and then August in Tokyo to see some big city life as well. I hope I don't get lost xD. I will be back on 28th of August, fully charged for the last year of school.
   My only regret is that my dear friend Kätlin will be visiting from Spain where she lives now. I will not be able to see her :( However I will make sure to visit her in Spain at the fall! I hope she can enjoy her time in Estonia even though I am not around <3    I shall blog as often as I can from Sweden and Japan to keep you ~~jealous~~ entertained. It might not be every day, but I try to keep it once a week. My friends can expect a lot of gifts! A LOT. So start making space for useless junk thats bought from Japan but probably has "made in china" written on them. <3
   Other than that school is decent. I am doing better than usual but could still do much better. I am in a sort of a hurry as I need to finish all unfinished works and stuff before the trip. I am still too lazy to do them however. Will need something to beat me a bit. I have enough motivation (JAPAN, RAMEN KYAA~!) just not enough willpower. I will punish myself! Well that should be all for now. I can always post more if I remember something else interesting.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Todays promise is an exceptions as it is 111% sure that I will keep it. I AM SO GOING to JAPAN and SWEDEN and HAVE SO MUCH FUN I PUKE!"

SAYONARA!

PS: I do not play as much WoW anymore. I do however have my good spirits back. I am GMing roleplays as well as recieving them. Just ask me :)

Click. Brain unlocks.

2010-03-11T11:13:00.028+02:00

"The definition of "perfect" is that it only lasts for a brief moment. It then continues to echo in our heads, haunting us as a memory for the rest of the time."

~Azélena

   I wish to meet a person so perfect. I wish for the world to be better. I wish humans were beautiful. I wish fantasies were real. I wish I was a better person. I wish time could be paused. I wish to pause the time when the people are beatiful and when in my fantasies I meet a person so perfect. I wish my wishes came true...

   Today is deep. I heard my brain make the click sound when it unlocked, allowing me to write again. Here or elsewhere. Music is reaching me again. The clicking sound ran so deep through me, it almost made me drop a tear. I held it, afraid it would freeze after having contact with the real outside world. Humans are not beautiful. No one is perfect. But for a brief moment, I wish I could meet someone that is. Someone beautiful. I just want to look. It doesn't have to be long. I just want a sign that this world is worth living and it is not only fantasies that contain perfection. I just want to see a perfect person. From a far away is okay. He does not even have to look towards me. He does not have to notice me. I just want to look. And then he would go away. Walk away. Leave for forever. Never to be seen again by me. I would like that. Very much. I want perfection of something other than my own mind to come and haunt me. I want a perfect moment.

   Time passes by. Days that once seemed so long have become short. Minutes that once passed too quickly have become long. Desire to be someone is taking over. Desire to be with someone is being left behind. What is it that keeps us going when we know how it all ends? What is it that makes us try so hard when we know that we die? What is it that makes us seek for that something - something we don't even know. Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?

   I am in love. In love with my fantasies. Allow my love to go on.
   Let my words reach your mind, let them touch your heart. Don't just listen. Hear me. Don't just look. See me. Don't just live... Let me reach your soul.

   The world is an ugly place. I look at it and I do not want to see it. I do not look at it and still I will see it. I close my eyes and put music in my ears. Only then can I leave this place. Only then can I go where I wish. Let me be in my utopia. In my utopia - perfection is lasting.

   Give me a complete stranger whose eyes say a thousand words, whose appearance blocks out the rest of the world, whom I could look at for a minute, who then leaves, never to return. I will write you a book - a trilogy. I will write you a poem - pages long. I will write you a song - and sing it. I will.... put a doorbell on my Utopia. I think I didn't hear the reality knocking when he came in.

   Does everyone have their Utopia or only the special people? Then - is everyone special? I look around and I only see shallow people. There is no depth. There is nothing to reach out for. I see no Utopia other than mine that I would like to enter. That thought could use background singers. I don't care if it does not make any sense. Only I can understand myself. Sometimes...

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Forget the key to my brain and leave it unlocked."

Missing.

PS: Can I change the world? Can I even leave a mark? The chances are low. Give me a reason to believe...

This video is not related to the point my thoughts are trying to make.
It just inspired them.
Or I just like the song.

Fail.

2010-02-25T23:02:00.012+02:00

Today, I walked into a street sign.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Not to do it again."

Fails.

PS: WTB motivation for Sealed Away.

Demanded.

2010-01-21T02:55:00.002+02:00

   Doing: Playing WoW and Dragon Age (the last one is AWESOME!)
   Listening: Epica, Nightwish, Evanescence, Within Temptaion
   Inspiration: Sealed Away
   Role-plays: Sealed Away themed role-play to Nenya
   Missing: Grim's role-play where I play a male character
   Goals: To study more Japanese, to keep playing this game: http://bladechronicle.jp/index.html and to do some school stuff
   Lifetime goals: To live in Japan, to release a book (Sealed Away), to donate a huge amount of money to animal shelter.
   Desire: To have more motivation to keep writing Sealed Away. There is enough inspiration just not enough motivation.
   Hope: that I can stop no-lifing WoW at some point and get a life and that I finish Sealed Away once and for all.
   Random: I have gone through Deviant Art artists and added every single one I like to my watch list. I still find occasional interesting ones though.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Focus more on school and Sealed Away. Be less lazy."

BYEBYES

PS: It is strange how I keep feeling this block in my head when ever I start to write Sealed Away. The ideas are there (though true mostly for book two), but I simply can't type them. Even the sentence can be in my head but I can't type it. I feel like my head is fat when ever I try. Like something is stopping me. A barrier I must break through? Maybe I'll force myself to write once. Will see where that goes..

EDUCATIONAL OVERLOAD!

2009-12-19T19:59:00.002+02:00

   Today, I woke up so early it was still dark outside. After confirming it to be 16.30, I figured I would try to get some more sleep, when suddenly Throat Ache decided to pay a visit. Well, being a good host I couldn't possibly ignore such a rare guest and I got up, serving us both some tea. He didn't seem too happy but we spent some quality time reading about various universities that offer a degree in English Philology. I especially liked this one: http://www.wssm.edu.pl/home.php
   Being completely absorbed by myself and after twenty google pages later, I noticed Throat Ache had gotten bored and disappeared somewhere. I still feel like he is sneaking around somewhere. I feel being watched! I can swear sometimes he tickles me.
   Either way I am now by myself, accompanied by some strange dude in MSN, looking though Tartu University to learn more about the Erasmus project.
   It would be perfect to get into the previously mentioned Uni, as they include Japanese in the English Philology lessons. I'd love nothing more.
   Being completely honest though, I suppose first finishing the high-school would be a good idea xD.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Graduate successfully. Do the English and Estonian exams. Succeed in getting in to Tartu Uni and Erasmus project. Go aboard! Sealed Away is going pretty well though."

Oh the force of education....

PS: Read Sealed Away, Maggots! DO IT! NOW! Btw, Hell froze over and it is warmer in my fridge than in my room. Not to mention Pluto being warmer than the Earth. I can't wait till the Sun goes off....

Sealed Away Trilogy

2009-11-19T14:19:00.003+02:00

Posts will be weekly. Enjoy.
Sealed Away Trilogy

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Post here more often and actually keep the weekly deadlines on the other blog. Maybe even set a more accurate deadline? School is going good btw."

Boohoo!

PS: Enjoy the reads!

Yes, it is indeed a post.

2009-09-20T19:24:00.003+03:00

   I will skip the babble about how long I have not posted and get right to the point. There has not been anything worth of posting till now.
   Let's see then.
   1. I start my Japanese lessons in October. WIN!
   2. I went to a birthday. Surprise event was...Diving o.o Yes. Diving. Wtf. In the middle of the fall. WIN! We were taken to a lake, equipped with a full diving suit and everything else that goes with it and were then dragged to the bottom of the lake to look around. It was cool, but one time experience for me. Unless I get to try it again in some other country. There just isn't anything to see here. Was real fun though.
   3. I am actually writing a full story now with no breaks. So far so good. Maybe I get to finish it this time? Win!
   4. I'm sure there's something!
   Either way life is good in general. Nothing else to add. I am on role-play spree again. Sign up!

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Attend school more often than you did previous year. Actually finish a story this time. Play some role-plays."

BYEBYES

PS: I am sure I forgot something again. Well- I will keep this post short. Maybe I can be arsed to make another one then!

Finland. Day 1, 2 and half of the 3rd.

2009-07-16T17:35:00.004+03:00

   I arrived safely half an hour later than I was supposed to due to some "Technical issues". Lindaline sigh. Well they are cheap enough to forgive them for this. I was picked up by Joni. He has a PIMP ride. Nice wheels. Also it is a Japanese Mitsubishi, which means the wheel is on the right side. Weiiiiird. Then we drove "home" and picked up his younger brother Tomi and went to the shops. Those guys had never seen potatoes before. They live off pizza and hot-dogs! Argh, gotta teach them what real food tastes like. Either way then we got back home and did pretty much nothing useful...
   Day two was rather eventless at the begin as well, unless you count epic WoW playing. After Joni got home from work though we went to see Iceage 3 3D. It was in English, thank god. I quite liked the experience. Movie is good too. I suggest it.
   Now as of today I got a shower and walked to a shop to buy some food. Ended up with a singe ice cream as there was nothing I needed, or I was unable to locate it. Now I am here typing. Plans for tonight are to get wasted and go to sauna. Other than that, nothing.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"None for now except I plan to go discover the surroundings some day here."

Moi-moi!

PS: On the weekend we will visit Jonis mom. She is adorable!

Happy Birthday to me!

2009-07-10T15:33:00.004+03:00

   And it is this time of the year again. I am 19 now. Not too pleasant. I refuse to be 20. For me this marks the end of the youth and start of getting older.
   Either way I did not particularly celebrate the day today. Some friends gathered, we drank some alcohol and ate cakes and told jokes. All was cool until we decided to go sit on my terrace...
   One of my friends (Susanna) decided the door was cooler when it was shut. I did not have the key for the door. We were all in our socks....
   Luckily Susanna had also decided it was hot in my room earlier, and opened the window completely. My room is on the first floor....
   We attempted various ways of reaching the window until we finally got the solution. A little table under the window + a ladder + Nenya. She managed to get inside and opened the door for us. Day continued with some wine. Then Eva had to leave us. Now I am sitting alone and writing into the blog so I wouldn't forget later. Susanna and Nenya went shopping for some lasagna materials. Other than that I was constantly woken up really early in the morning for birthday calls. I do not remember all of them, but first were my parents at 7.30 AM. They had a cake and a candle. I was still sleeping. Even while blowing out the candle. Mom told me I had to wish I will get into the university. So I did. Not that I am applying for an university this year. Either way the cake was good, the community is good and the alcohol was not so good. Will see what comes next. To be continued...

01:33 AM the day goes on...

   Okay, back now. Continiuing.
   We ate some lasagna. Was good. We talked some more. Was also good. At some point, probably earlier, I opened the present Kätlin had mailed me from Spain. It was a scarf-like item, black. Also a fan. Black. I loved them. I am going to use them for role-playing. She added a lovely letter too. I was happy. Still am.
   Then I made Nenya go away with Susanna to stay at her place. (Before that I got my mom's present - pair of undies and my dad's and grandma's presents - money) At some point I logged into WoW and made a new guild, met some cool people too. Then my PC was bitching a bit and not too long ago I finally started to GM for Nenya. She is stubborn about doing some shit in game, which is not good. Oh well...
   Thanks to all who remembered my Birthday!
   Thanks to all of the spam letters that also remembered my birthday and included loads of commercials such as - a fine date for the day!

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"I will not turn 20. Do not hate me if an accident happens right before I'm 20. It means I cursed it."

Cake!

PS: Ugh. Too much sweets.

LARP.

2009-07-01T21:00:00.029+03:00

    I shall make this post a long one so go grab a cup of tea or coffee. And when I say long I mean one that in a minimal way takes together everything that has happened since my last post. If it were purely up to me it would be a trilogy sold in stores. But because I don't really give a fuck about you, but I pretend I do, I shall be limited to one full page. Got the cup ready yet? Here goes:
   My first LARP was called Vampire IV. This experience was....interesting. I went there day earlier and ended up helping the GM's with some preparation. I skip the next 30 pages where I would describe all the foods I helped to make and the rest of the "I am so cool, look at me!" chapter. The place itself was a schoolhouse we had gotten permission to use. It also included a bar and a disco hall. Yeah I know. Don't ask me. I made the same WTF face. Anyways. Skipping another chapter that would describe how much fun we had going to store and buying it half empty and going back to the schoolhouse with 3 or more shopping carts.
   Now to the LARP itself, which began far too late for me. As I had no sleep or rest for previous 3 days. I was dead on my feet and the place was damn cold. I hardly remember much about the LARP and everything ended up being a huge mess. I do remember getting hypothetically back stabbed though, by my so called role partner. Fail. The game itself was quite a fail in my eyes, even though the preparing was cool. Seemed like a soap opera which u see from the middle of the series for the first time. But I don't mind. I found epic cool people there! 90% of the LARP community I met there ended up being extremely wonderful people and I shall direct my WIN and SUCCESS and EPIC to them. In short it is my way to thank those people for being who they are. Thats where I skip another chapter full of the descriptions of those people and names ETC.
   When I got home I was drop dead for 24h+. The End.
   And yes I will probably edit and add a lot more here when I remember. And of course (don't mind the quick thought jump) Nenya was there. Thanks.

Day - 26. June 2009 my second LARPing started.

Perfect. And that would make the next two books in the trilogy. Costumes were perfect. Complete WIN. People were perfect. My garrison (yes I was the nameless footman, but the more epic was my role) was perfect. The orcs were perfect. The place was perfect. The mosquitoes were perfect in a not so perfect way but still! The food was perfect. Or so I heard. As a footman you don't exactly get to roam around the King's chambers and eat everything you see. We fed on cookies and fruits that kindhearted elves decided to give us sometimes. And that's one chapter I will not skip!

Chapter I: Preparation.

As always LARP preparation starts one day before the LARP itself. So I arrived to Rakvere where I was supposed to spend the night. I slept at a friends place, who was also part of the garrison. My personal duo mate. So to say he was the one to do the fighting and I was the one to attract the fight. Picture a situation where I stand alone. Weak looking. Orcs see me and laugh and charge. Then before they reach me I take a step aside and from behind me comes out this killer machine. Well that's pretty much what he is. His vision of role-playing is limited to buffer-swords and shields and taking down whatever calls itself the enemy and sometimes the title is not even needed. Back to topic. The preparation included shopping and making the costumes, which meant I had to stay up till 3 AM and sew myself the costume. Then I got to sleep till 6 AM. When I woke up I made pancakes, which I did not have time to eat. Nor did I have time to drink the coffee he had made. We left in a rush and met up with his two friends (the third had a drinking problem). They were nice too. And there I was thinking there are no more good or nice people left in the world. Either way one of them had a car and he was nice enough to drive us to the location in Sangaste. Location included a huge forest area and a castle.

Sangaste Castle from behind.
Sangaste Castle from the front.
Then we had some time to prepare ourselves and get the costumes and makeup on and stuff. When we were done the GM's gave us a short instructions and described everyone they thought we should know about.
High King of Noldor: Fingolfin
He was a High King of the Noldor in Beleriand,
second eldest son of Finwë,
full brother of Finarfin,
and half-brother of Fëanor,
who was the eldest of Finwë's sons.
His mother was Indis.
He founded the House of Fingolfin which ruled the Noldor in Middle-earth.
His wife was Anairë and his children were Fingon, Turgon, Aredhel and Argon.
Fingolfin was said to be the strongest, most steadfast,
and most valiant of Finwë's sons,
and some have named him the greatest warrior of all the Children of Ilúvatar.
~J. R. R. Tolkien's legendarium - The Silmarillion.

Click here for more photos!
Click here for even more photos!
And more photos!

Chapter II-XX: Game Begin! Guarding...Eating...Fighting...Guarding!

Then the game started. Humans were transported to an unknown location, from where they had to travel to the castle. Me and the rest of the garrison were also put to work instantly. I started off with my duo partner as patrol around the castle. For one full hour we had to circle around that huge area. Ten minutes per circle. Then we had to guard the front door of the castle. Fun part was that someone was having a wedding there at the same time. Would you like to have a wedding while weird people in weird outfits and buffer swords guard the entrance or stalk around elsewhere and speak nonsense? I know I wouldn't! I would like to be one of those weird people though. Having an in-game wedding. But that is another story. Anyways another hour went past while feeding the mosquitoes and we finally got to guard inside. On both sides of the King's guest-room entrances. We saw food. We smelled food. We hadn't eaten a thing since....Friday? And we hadn't slept. Nice huh? Actually yes. So we were fed like poor military dogs usually. From palms. A few cookies here and there. OK so first 12h went with guarding the castle with no much action. I mean as an orc you would have to be really dumb to come outside while the sun shines. Some were though, but wasn't my action. There were some other stories going on inside the castle too, when the humans finally started arriving. No clue what they were though, since I was busy moaning about my hurting legs. And then finally the other half of the garrison switched the guard with us and we earned one hour rest. We used it wisely by walking back and forth between the inn (1km distance or so) until the food was ready. Using in-game money we bought ourselves some drinks and food. Food was edible, but I could probably chew on that meat for another two days and still not get done with it. The day was followed by another hour of guarding if I remember correctly. Including moderate amount of rain and mosquitoes or was it raining mosquitoes. By that time I was not able to make difference anymore and my feet were on fire and pain. At some point (I have a short term memory-loss) the night came and the orcs started to attack us. That meant about 2 hours guarding with orc attacks every 10 min. I got wounded into stomach and arm. My garrison lord lost a full arm. Poor dude. He still looked cool afterwards though. Which reminds me how at the very beginning some guy managed to block his vision with something and run into a tree. He was knocked out for real. Funny shit. At 3AM or a little later. Sleep time! Or something. Not like we slept much. 9AM back to guard! *enter another blackout* By that time I was dead and after we returned from the bear hunt with the King...Well I could not stand on my feet anymore. So after one circle around the castle patrol, I asked my mates to leave. And seemed like they where just as thrilled about guarding as I was and we left. *enter 1h car drive and a stop at Kassinurme* FOOD! McDonald's. *enter more car driving and location Rakvere* Yay! *enter waiting for bus while STILL dressed in the elvish outfit in public. Yes I was like that in McDonald's too. And yes I did smell like I had been in war for 3 days with no shower. No more comment on that topic. *enter about 2h bus drive and arriving at home (thanks dad for picking me up) around 9PM* YAY! *enter clothes off, bed, blackout till next day 3PM* WTF? Where did I drink myself to now? Oh wait...It's coming back to me.... *enter flashbacks of what had happened and pain in feet* Sigh. *enter recovery* The End.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"LARP MORE MORE MORE. Nothing else matters for now."

MORE PAIN! Wait...does this sound wrong or..?

PS: More LARP! That's more like it. But can't have one without the other. Which reminds me the pain of sewing some more at the beginning of the game....*crying face* I loved every bit of it. Every mosquito. Every pain in my feet, every hit I took, every bruise I got. Any time again! Oh yes. And I will be going to Finland on 9th. No birthday! HAHA! Well maybe at the end of the month. Or at the beginning of the next one. Ah and more. See that lovely grass on the castle pictures? After our battles with orcs it was a minefield. Insert black holes all over the place. Well it was wet and rainy and dark. Can you blame us?

Good evening, I am zombie.

2009-05-07T23:12:00.003+03:00

   This title is just something someone heard someone say in a bus.
   Today was eventful:
   I went to school, which I left at the same moment. Then I met with someone. Then we went to eat somewhere. Then Sten called. More than once. Then we went somewhere else, and it was my 3rd time to ride on a bus that day. Sten called. Then someone and I bought some things at somewhere. Sten called. Then fourth time was by a trolley and the destination was in town, where someone bought some more something and I met up with someone else, being Kätlin. Sten called. Then someone left and I started combing through shops with Kätlin. 5th time was a bus to Ülemiste Center. I think that place has TOO MANY shoe shops. I felt that painfully. Sten called. Then we went to eat (again for me). We drank tea. Food was spicy. Then we bought some strawberries. Sten called and I called back. Then (and I almost typed Sten) we went back with a tram and bought some more useless stuff and Kätlin got herself some sexy shoes. Spent the rest of the time in the bus terminal talking and laughing at people. Was fun. Sten did not call again.
   I got home. I searched for some stuff for my brithday...
   Ah, I forgot an important detail! I did the good deed for the day like I had promised. Somewhere between leaving somewhere and going somewhere else there was a bus stop. We switched busses, which makes my total count of transportation....1.2..3....8! If not more. I lost the count...YEAH, 9. Switched tram too...sigh. Anyways, the nice deed.
   There was an old lady, selling shirts. Ugly ass shirts. She asked if I wanted to buy one for 5 EEK. I said no thanks. She went on about how she has no money. I gave her the 5 and she called me the God's child. I let her keep all the shirts. Someone gave her another 10. She instantly became a God's child too. Which she was before too. At least in her mind. Well, some of you might have guessed by now who that someone was and at least one of the somewhere places. And yes I try to make as little sense as possible...
   Currently I am attempting to play role-play with "Efka" and such. Also investigating stuff for my brithday. School tomorrow is unlikely, because it is a full moon and I will have no sleep but...who knows. "Efka" has hard time getting her char a good name...Yes it was random I know but...
   Oh, and my mom has discovered blogging and asked me about it. Helped her to get her ID card reader working instead. Guess blogging will wait till another day.
   I want money.
   I need money.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Finish everything birthday related on time. Go to school. Do another good deed. Do not forget about all the tomorrows plans. You have loads."

Braaaaaainz!

PS: LOADS! Notes: Kätlin, someone, shops...birthday....

Oh noes! She made a post!

2009-05-06T21:00:00.003+03:00

   That's right! I finally decided to bother you all with my boring life. And just before you all decided to stop visiting my blog too!
   Okay so here goes. School is school. I shall skip describing how boring it is and get on with the less boring stuff.
   Role-playing has lately been...well...forgotten. I have not had the feeling to play for a while now. But I did make a MSN Group for Anonymous Role-play Addicts. Feel free to visit it at Role-play Addicts Anonymous and sign up! Set up new play dates in the calendar or discuss the role-plays on the discussion board. Why not upload role-play images so you never have to search for them in your computer again or bother to send them to anyone!
   My grandparents were also visiting today. Nothing to complain about. Everything is nice. They brought food!
   I also discovered how nice it is to sit outside with my laptop. Be blessed Wifi connection and the plug-socket outside. I liked sitting there in the sun and listen to birds. I also liked sitting under the roof while it was raining. The smell of it plus some epic relaxing music on my laptop. I didn't feel my head explode, but it was like a massive amount of information was forced into it. Brilliant ideas. Oh the inspiration. I am writing a new story now (YES! AGAIN!). If you want you can suggest some character names. I have trouble with those.
   Epic epic epic WIN! I like the ideas I am getting!
   I should also start making those websites I have promised to make to my guild/coven/faction in RoB (Reign of Blood web based role-playing game). She was nice enough to think my recent works are good.
   I should also get my haircut done. I am thinking of something Alice had in the Twilight movie. I liked that pixie hair. Or maybe I should cut it even shorter...The thought shall be continued.
   My English sucks. Even I read the stuff I wrote and think WTF!?
   I did some research about jobs and schools in Japan. It seems it is extremely easy to get a job there as an English teacher. I am considering it now. They tend to prefer native speakers though, but there are some that only want some proof that you are able to speak English. They also want IT people. Also a thought to consider. Either way it looks like my chances to go to Japan in the next 5 years are quite high. Well whatever it takes, I will go there within 5 years. Even if I have to walk!

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Go to school more often. Resume role-playing. Finish a god damn scrap for once. Picture, book, story - anything! Do a good deed. (unlikely, unless it benefits me) Finish (and start!) the websites for RoB. Go to Japan! Search for options to improve your English. A lot. Repeat it for Japanese. Estonian might want some work too, because you always think in English and it makes it difficult to actually write anything. 1. Your English is not good enough to write in it. 2. Your ability to think in Estonian is not good enough to even speak in it. 3. Do not attempt a mixture of the two."

~Kyaaaa!

PS: I should blog more often. I actually do have a lot to say now that I am actually thinking...

After a while.

2009-04-26T00:44:00.003+03:00

   I figured I might make a post again after a while. Nothing new has happened really. My practice is over. "Nenya" is staying here still. We role-play. I finished Assassin's Creed. Can't wait for the second game. I liked the game. I got hired as a website designer/coder o.o. This was weird. I hanged out with some of my friends. Oh yes, I have them too!
   School sucks. Does it need any more comments than this?
   Role-plays get boring. Weird. "Red" came up with yet another one. This guy never fails to amaze me about that.
   His new game is about World of Warcraft. I want to play WoW now.
   I know. I hate myself too for it.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Go to school and do all that is required. Keep playing role-plays. Start smoking, purely for the sake of inhaling and exhaling something that damages your lungs."

XxXxX

PS: I know, XxXxX was a lame good-bye. I hate myself again. Ah yes, ... I forgot what I wanted to say...Fail.

Impure.

2009-04-15T01:24:00.002+03:00

   Translated the first chapter of "Impure" into English, if anyone is interested.
   The original file has six chapters so far and it keeps growing.
   Joshua is a cracker. Hear this.
   Joshua: i just got a new one, u can have my old cam
   Me: oh gee. why dont u email it?
   Joshua: cant
   Me: no shit.
   Joshua: dont have a scanner here

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Go to practise? Keep writing "Impure" and meet up with Kätu and her boyfriend. Perhaps play some D'n'D on friday."

Cheers!

PS: If you failed to see the joke Joshua did, don't worry about it. It doesn't mean you are stupid. It means you have no sense of humor.

Hangover.

2009-04-12T22:45:00.003+03:00

This story is so nasty. You will not hear about it though. People involved forbid me to write about it. Sucks for you!

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Continiue with the Unholy stories. Go to practise. Never. Drink. Again."

Hugs!

PS: The rest of the day was nice. Had some guests. Had some food. "Nenya" is here too.

Success. Win.

2009-04-09T16:55:00.013+03:00

I invented a good gaming system. "Nenya" will do a game for me while I do a game for her in another chat window. Win-Win.
Practice rocks. I am good enough to teach the designer some tricks on Photoshop. I impressed myself. Success.
"Nenya's" mother disconnected her internet connection for a unlimited period of time. She comes to live at my place for a month. My parents allowed it. Win. Success.
All games played so far rock. Win.
I have plots. Success.
This Friday is free. Win.
"Nenya" will be sitting in the same room with me, behind a laptop. We will communicate through MSN and play games. Pathetic, but still. Win.
"Aradian's" quote: "Now you can speak to each other through MSN in the same room!" When she said it, it sounded even more lame. Still Win though!
We will actually go out. That is a promise. Movies or eating or whatever. But I will leave my room! Win.
I fought with my mom. I won. Lol. Win.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Go to practice lessons next week. Write about them like required. Have fun with "Nenya". Do a lot of gaming. Try to actually sleep some night. Watch more animes. Go outside. Ride a bike."

Brilliant! See you soon!

PS: Sometimes life really sucks. Like at the moment "Nenya" called to state that her mom had permanently removed her internet connection. I shouted "Why, God, why?" without thinking there is a good reason for everything. I kept shouting same thing when I had argument with my mom. Now I shout: "Thank you God! Please fuck up my life some more. I like the way you make up for it!". "Nenya" comes here. I win the argument. Following month will be epic success. Cheers!

PS2:
Nenya: "We are like soulmates."
Me: "Yeah. Two no-lifers that play role-playing games online even when in the same room and shout at their moms if they dare to disconnect our internet connection."
Susanna: "Anyone would shout at their moms a little when the internet connection is taken off."
Me: "Would anyone feel their life being threatened by the loss of online communication and gaming? Would anyone threat their moms with moving out unless the connection comes back on this instant? Would anyone feel like they can't breathe when there has been more than 24h between role-playing sessions?"
Susanna: "Okay, I admit. You two are freaks."

PS3: I keep receiving Viagra spam...

Practice.

2009-04-03T17:48:00.003+03:00

Today I finally got to know where my practice hours are going to be at. Uber cool! Works perfect. I get to go to a designing company with all the top technology. I couldn't be happier. Teacher said I am special. Everyone else have a partner, but I am unique. I have to go there alone as my interests on the subject are a lot different. I want to study computers and design not the art of printing. So that printing studio said they will only take me. They also said they tend to get their computers messed up quite often. I will have my chance to show off. Overall today is an Epic Success. Got math "4" (best is "5"). Did a lot of other stuff too. Obviously good grades in English as well. Ahh. Feels good. I intend to get a game from various people today too. Especially "Nenya". I plan on making an epic gaming session myself too, now that my mood is boosted to the skies.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Success with the practice lessons. Two weeks of perfection. Ton of gaming. No School!!!! OLEE OLE OLE OLEEEEE! Yes. I am amused. And Yes I Am Failing At The Point Of This Section. Back to promises. Major success at everything for two weeks!"

Oleeeee olee olee oleeeeeeee!

PS: *insert some more happy "olee's"*

I have one too many lives.

2009-03-30T19:02:00.005+03:00

   Okay. So today for me started about 30 hours ago. I have not slept in this time. I shall blog all about it. here goes nothing.
   I woke up at some point during the day in the weekend and instantly got into my PC to have multiple gaming sessions with "Nenya". We really have been doing this a lot recently. She DM's a few hours for me and I return the favour. Somehow we got on a really good idea line on both of our games so the whole session ended up going on for about 18 hours, which included showering and eating of course.
   The next thing I knew, was the clock on my laptop screen saying it is the last minute for me to rise and shine and go enjoy my 10 classes at school. Well no, actually it was not the next thing I knew. I had stared that clock ever since it showed past midnight, hoping for the time to stop, so I could play endlessly.
   Either way I had to quit my 18 hours of role-play marathon for school. I was not very tired really, mostly because all I had to do was lay down and move my fingers. I got up, got dressed, made myself look nicer at least. Then off to school I was. And I stood ALL 10 bloody lessons. Day went by surprisingly fast and I was not dead tired I was afraid I would be. It was quite a decent day really. Maybe I even liked it? But no matter what, it still gave me total of 28 hours of no sleep.
   On my way to my dad's working place (to get home with his car) I happened to go on the same tram with one of the girls in my class. Some weird candy man looking dude came on as well and he instantly proved my point with the first impression. I will not fall into details but he was talking like a very inexperienced candy man. He was calling my classmate Miss Estonia and all kinds of weird stuff. Awkward guy. Something to laugh about once we got off. Then I made my way to the car and home, only stopping at the mall to get some goodies.

Around 07:10 PM I started to write this post...

   ...making my day over 30 hours long. And I still do not feel like sleeping. I'd much rather to continue gaming all week long. This means I have a serious addiction. Time to do something. Example go to the step 2. Step 1 was admitting it. What would be step 2? Letting go? If I have to choose between the REAL life and the perfect fantasy. Is it really that difficult to guess, which it would be?
   Something else I remembered. My day at school - the reason why it was so much fun.
   There is this guy there, in my class, looking exactly like one of the NPC characters in "Nenya's" game. It is one of the characters my character has fallen in love with. Casual thing, but still. It freaked me out. Everything then started to resemble the game somehow and I found myself sitting in the classroom full of fantasy characters. I thought I need to get some sleep. And fast! Too late though. I had started to enjoy this. I even talked to the guy more, than I usually would. he did not seem to mind. Only later did I realise I played into my characters role in real life. Maybe I should make this thing permanent. I mean it was fun and I went to school. No harm done right? Even if I do develop schizophrenia. I don't think I would mind.
   Still no sleep now. I am having a debate about sleeping or not sleeping. Can't seem to decide. I am not about to drop dead so it seems like a waste. However my brain is like a dry sponge. Weeeeird.
   I also did my very important school homework right after I got home. Wtf? I never do homework, not even when my life depends on it. I think not sleeping works good on my character. I should try this theory out more often.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Drop one of the lives and not the wrong one. Continue one of your scraps. Do something useful. Go to school tomorrow too. Meet with Kätlin. Well those latter ones I might actually keep."

Oh My Dog! I like my two lives!

PS: I creep myself out too. No comment. Ah yes, and I managed to fix my computer teachers PC. Now that's what I call skill!

Perfection is imperfect. So is imperfection.

2009-03-25T09:46:00.003+02:00

   I was once supposed to be the perfect being. Free from all sins and capable of making only the right decisions. To be more precise - unable to decide outside the coded limits.
   But they made a huge mistake during their calculations and I had a fatal flaw. I was a defect product. They trashed me along with all the other faulty products, away. They dumped me on Earth.
   At first I did not complain. I saw there were many like me and I had forgotten all about my past and the production area. I did not know there was perfection. All I ever knew was this garbage bin on Earth. I thought this was normality. There were different kinds of trash on Earth. Some believed they can rise up from the ashes once again, if they prove to be not faulty while on Earth. Some just chose to make through their daily lives with no much interest in the future. Some like me - chose to complain and not do anything about it.
   It started to kill me mentally. The flaw, I had. It took me years to realise, what it was. It was the ability to decide for myself. The ability to choose. The ability to fail. The so called gift - Free Will. The only thing that differs us, faulty products, from the absolute perfection. I failed to understand, why would anyone aim for perfection, if imperfection was so much more interesting. Yes only interesting, never better. Worse maybe.
   I saw a glimpse once, of what I once could have been. I saw my shadow on the deserted ground and I saw wings I did not have, spread on my back. I hated it. I liked my life in the trash bin. I liked the faulty products, that lived through their lives, hoping to find one quite like themselves, to spend the rest of their misery together. And those that hoped they will be picked up again and remade in a place they called Heaven. They did not know, Heaven does not reuse any products. That would not be perfect. I learned the meaning of perfection. I shall tell you.
   Perfection is absolute. Everyone will be exactly the same. Nobody will have ability to decide for themselves. Nobody can make mistakes. Nobody can choose the wrong way. There will be no hard way. There is nothing to lose and nothing to gain. Everything already is and nobody will take it. Perfection is stability and peace, where nobody wants to ruin it. Simply because they do not think. Perfection is winged robots, doing as they are programmed. Perfection is pure and natural. Perfection is... a big defect.
   Yes. imperfection is much better. It has many defects, but it has never been a defect itself. Ability to think and learn the good next to the bad. Imperfection is interesting and exciting. Imperfection is, what makes perfection possible. I do not ever want to be perfect, for I would have to think the way everybody likes. For me to be perfect means to be liked by everyone. Flawlessly.
   I rather live in my garbage dump with my overloading emotional burden and false hope of getting something better. My false hope is better than no hope at the world of perfection.
   My post lost it's meaning I was trying to give, somewhere after the first two lines. I am lost myself.
   I think - therefore I am imperfect. Therefore I am a worthless trash. Therefore I am not living by identical standards.
   Some in the garbage bin inspire to once live in perfection. They worship our creators. They act or try to act, like they were perfect beings. They all believe same thing. They try to erase themselves from the Free Will. But they do not know. Their inspired perfection. Will be their Hell.
   Religion was created for the trash bin people, to maintain some control over us. False hopes of being reused in Heaven. As if...

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"To Be Added."

Perfect Amen.

PS: Other than that, I tested out my luck. I went on a really slippery hill. My luck was with me. I did not crack my skull open, but my hip and arm are still painful. Also my nose is about to fall off, or I will end up blowing my brains out. Being ill really sucks.

Epic Fail.

2009-03-24T22:58:00.002+02:00

I am ill. Nobody wants to do or recieve a game. Today is a Fail. Ergo Proxy is lame. Epic fail.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"No more Epic Fail days. Make longer posts and more often."

Epic Byes.

PS: Assassin's Creed is a good game. Too....routine though.

Brain dead. Again.

2009-03-19T15:29:00.004+02:00

   Yes, Yes. I picked up role-playing again. As if I could stay away from it. Made progress with "Island". Too much progress to be honest.
   "Red" has DM-ed me a great new game which threatens to replace the title of "Perfect". Not going to go into details here. I do not feel like sharing this perfection!
   I am brain dead about what I should do next with "Island" so I have postponed all future games to the weekend.
   I hope "Red" feels like DM-ing to me. I decided not to pressure him with it.
   I also went to school today. Stood there entire day. I am good,eh? Then got home and bought myself some sweets and snacks on the way. Do not feel like eating them though. Strange.
   Ah yes, I also think I will make a....VIDEO BLOG! Yes. I think it is a great idea to show my stupid face off to the world. Of course I plan to make stupid faces too. That is me! Well the idea is postponed till future notice.

01:25 AM I prepare for my sleep..

   ...which will be difficult. Because I am too excited. I got a game! And a brilliant one. Not going into details but I am inspired to write another short-story based on the game. This is amazing. Some characters are just too perfect you have to ruin them somehow....And they still stay perfect in another sense. Amazing. Well I do not expect anyone but "Red" to understand this babble here.
   I go to bed now and try NOT to dream about anything weird. Epic fail already. I am fairly sure I see something game related. Either way tomorrow is school and once again I plan to stay for the full day. It is not that long really, especially since I will have quite a bit of sleep time now.
   Saturday-Sunday I promised to do "Island". Guess I can't back off on that one. I will also spend a night at "Red"'s place if I am lucky and he does not screw me over. For some weird reason half of me even believes, he will not. Shall see if it was a right gut feeling or should I go with my logic next time. We plan on getting drunk and do all kinds of stuff that we will never mention again, when we are sober.
   I feel thirsty. I bet that was important to note.
   Managed to make my spellcheck work on new Microsoft Word by the way. It is cool now that this works.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Go to "Red"'s place. Do "Island" session. Stay at school whole day. Try not to overdrink. Try not to think about the greatness of "Red"'s new game."

Excited bye-byes!

PS: I am a role-play addict. I am addicted to "Nenya"'s game as well. Sigh. I think I might need professional help. Thing is - I do not want any. I am happy with my addiction. I am happy before game, after game and during game. I see no sid effects there.

Today blows.

2009-03-12T22:12:00.005+02:00

   Yesterday I made a few hours of role-play to "Red", who in return was supposed to make me a game. He was too tired that night to do anything decent, so we scheduled it for today instead. Of course I knew at that moment, I will not get any game, but I continued to hope.
   Today at 10PM I finally decide it is late enough and give him a call. Already knowing he is probably going to yell at me. He did not yell much, though he announced he will never make a game if I keep whining about it and that he is tired. Then he hung up on me.
   A bit later on MSN we had a small argument on the topic. I decided I had enough. I can't keep hoping for a game that only comes when he happens to feel like it. It equals no game either way, so I figured it will be easier simply to drop the whole thing. I told him I don't care anymore and he can do what he wants. I will not make any "Island" games again and I will not expect him to make any games either. I have no regrets. Whole thing started to get on my nerves. Now I can once again do stuff that are more reliable than "maybe", "later" and "when I feel like it". And stuff that actually do what you expect them to do. Keeping their part of the deal for example.
   Now that this is off my chest I feel better. The rest of the day was uneventful. I spent some time watching anime. Quite a bit of time actually. While I was waiting for "Red". Another good part is that I start going to school normally again. Today I didn't go because I expected to get a game around 1PM. No complaints there though. It is me who is stupid for skipping school for such a lame reason. My fault alone there.
   Ah I also started painting a picture I drew. Dad finally scanned it and now I am working on it in Photoshop. It is going to be a big work. The picture is about my character Sweet Death. I have no motivation to finish it anymore, but I will keep trying.
   I am also still waiting for "Cabal" to comment on my scraps. He keeps finding excuses to push stuff forward. Example I had to wait ages before he finally sent some scraps he promised me last month.
   What else is new? Not much really. And I do not fancy to start telling about my views on the world. World sucks, what else is there? Death is simply the reward for putting up with this crap for so long. Only some are too weak to put up with it and claim their reward earlier. I tend to think their reward contains that much less then. No matter if it results in Hell or Heaven or eternal lonely mind in a grave where it was buried.
   It made no much sense, I know. I did not intend you to understand it anyways.
   I am not in a bad mood. I am not in a good mood either. I can't understand my mood. I suppose it's...Don't give a shit mood. Weird. I don't feel like doing anything at all. Anyone selling motivation?
   Maybe I should reconsider going to that LARP.... I will hold on to that thought. (Do not search my previous posts for LARP. I never mentioned it. It is just a thought I have not bothered to describe in details. Will not do so now either)

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Stop "Island" games. Forget all about role-playing. Devote to writing the role-play based scrap. If possible try to finish it. Fill in the areas role-play failed to do with your own ideas. Be happy or at least something better than the current state."

Me. needs. to. do. something. useful. dot.

PS: I do not feel like playing any role-plays. Yet I feel empty and like something is missing from my life. Why is that? Why can't I just discard that stuff? Annoying.

To Do List for today.

2009-03-10T13:21:00.006+02:00

So today's blog is more for myself to remember all the things I need to do. I shall start listing them right away, so I wouldn't forget.

Continue writing the story based on "Perfect alias World War III" game.
Do some of the school work, that needs to be done eventually anyways.
~~Prepare a new gaming session for "Island" games.~~ Done!
~~Persuade your dad into finally scanning this image you drew, so you can actually color it.~~ Done!
Photoshop some images to fit the "Perfect" game.
~~Keep going to school every day till the end of the week.~~ Failed.
Do something that is not strictly related to using the computer.
Might want to eat every now and then.

There we go. All done. Now the problem is actually doing all the listed above tasks.
Other than that, I slept till midday today. I woke up with tears on my cheek. I saw a sad dream. I have no intentions of retelling it because it was so stupid. But it was sad.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Follow the list you made earlier. Follow it flawlessly."

Good Bye!

PS: I did not go to school today, which is not a problem, because....well too lazy to start writing it. But today is not a problem. The rest of the days will be though. I better go.

No Title. (Because I am braindead & couldn't come up with it.)

2009-03-06T19:06:00.007+02:00

   Hello World!
   Hello again!
   Yes, I am going crazy.
   Let's get to the point, shall we?
   Shall Not! Pwned!
   Okay-okay!
   Today was useful. I slept at night. A lot! Because -someone- (read: "RED") did not show up for a role-playing session. That hurt. Anyways I managed to go to school. Yay! I stood there for the entire day too. I am good. Nothing else has happened yet, except "Red" finally showed up. I am fairly sure I will get no game though. He probably is not in the "mood" or needs to sleep for some awkward reason. I want a game! But I am willing to accept the blow of not getting one. I will just work on my long lost projects instead. Such as scraps and "weekly" books. I should rename it to monthly book instead. I only released one issue so far. I am useless.
   Sten came over today. I was lucky to get home from school with a car. Eva's new boyfriend drove us here. Eva had left some of her movie DVD's here, so she came to pick them up. Wish this was a daily thing! I managed to get Sten interested in role-playing as well. Will see if he hooks. Right now I am waiting for "Red" to come off from WoW, though I am fairly sure he will take his sweet time to do so. And then tell me "No Game". I am angry already. But I plan to let it slide.
   What else is new? Oh yes I got the new MSN. It sucked pretty bad on the first few sights, but then I started to get used and now I kind of like it. Weird. I never like new stuff. Like ever. I even hated the previous MSN version for like AGES and would of gone with MSN 7.0 for the rest of it's existence. Lucky they banned it from use. Or at least it looked like they did so I was forced to use Windows Live. I am also waiting for the food to get home (read: parents).
   Maybe I will get a game still? Please, please, please make me get a game! I won't anyways. But I am obsessed.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Stop wishing to have a game of "Perfect" and rename it to "World War". (Because the game happens in the future era of World War III. Well the war itself is actually over, but it still continues underground."

Wishful and hopeful see you laters..

PS: I did some "Island" to "Nenya" and "Aradian". "Nenya" was in heaven. "Aradian" did not show much of an interest.

Disaster.

2009-03-01T02:03:00.005+02:00

   "Nenya" came over. That is about the only good part. We played some cards and monopoly.
   "Red" didn't give us much of a game. Disappointing. I'll get over it. Actually I wasn't even expecting anything so it was an easy hit to take. I am kind of getting over the whole role-playing thing. I rather write stories, which I have been doing so far to fill my time.
   Microsoft Office 2007 seems good at first sight, but in reality it sucks. I tried it, because my old Microsoft Word was pissing me off. Turns out this one is even more annoying. I like to be able to run a spellcheck. But this ones option is bugged. I try to find some ways to fix it now, but it is very complicated.
   "Nenya" and Susanna dragged me out to a shop, only to find out we could of done without going there. Once again - annoying. I wasted some money I could have saved. The cake was good though.
   Other than that? Nothing happened. I should write some scraps...

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Restart "Island" games. Fix the Microsoft Word. Go to school for God's sake. Write some scraps. Weekly book?"

Hope tomorrow will be different and "Red" offers for a game. Unlikely but I can't help it. I still hope.

PS: I am still addicted to the game. I am just not as attached. I can...well...masturbate on my own. It does not always take two to get the satisfaction.

PS2: I start to feel I am someone like this: "My little finger itches...I should blog about it!"

Doomsday.

2009-02-26T09:30:00.048+02:00

My character: Sweet Death

"Do not take her lightly, as everything on her is a weapon. Her violet eyes have a piercing gaze and her sharp fangs can cut their way right through your thin skin. Even her pearls become explosives on touch. Do not take her lightly, I tell you. She might look like the sweetest little thing, but all she will be for you, is Sweet Death."

   Today is doomed and it is only like 9:30 AM. I don't mind though. The thing that makes me live through this day, is surprisingly the reason why the day is doomed in the first place. I pulled an all-nighter of role-play with "Red". God I love this game! His game and world is like so much better than mine.
   Minions, please do not read the following: I don't want to do "Island" games ever again. I want to devote my whole existence to the game "Red" makes. I should name it. I can't think of anything besides "Perfect". This game is perfect. So from this day onward I shall play nothing but "Perfect".
   I have so many thoughts about "Perfect" that I can't even sleep. I haven't slept properly for like three days now. Few hours here and there, no deep sleep. And even when I am sleepy, I will not fall asleep! So annoying, but my brain refuses to shut down. It has millions of cool things to think about. All related to "Perfect". Example I try to shut down my mind and fail. Most likely I will see my uber cool character on her futuristic motorcycle, riding with high speed between the enemy lines, improved version of M4A1 Colt Carbine in each hand (almost like on the picture). Shooting bullets at the enemy vampires, filled with Liquid Light, also known as LL. Those are no ordinary bullets, she has to make them herself. Vampires turn into ashes on her sides as she passes. Before her is a road infested with vampires, and behind her is no road, just a field covered with ashes and remains of their clothing. *drools*

Sweet Death's sweet ride: BlackFire S700 with nitro gas

Therefore no sleep for me. I am too excited to sleep.
I adore, love, worship etc. this game. I will repeat saying that throughout next 10 000 posts. That is for sure.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"I promise nothing. I am consumed by the "Perfect" game. Everything is around that."

Prayers!

PS: Looks like I am forced to continiue the "Island" game afterall. Else my minions will simply behead me. Sigh. Oh well.

PS2: I know! Getting the perfect score from me on any aspect is near impossible. Yet I find no flaws to the game. Not a single one. No matter how hard I think. It is perfection. Probably the first perfect thing I've seen in my life.

Again some day.

2009-02-24T21:17:00.004+02:00

   Hello. It is a day. Well, actually it is an evening. Obviously I am sitting behind my PC, because else I would not be able to write this blog. Duh!
   I managed to force one of my minions ("Red") to play the God for a while. I am having major crash in my brain about the role-play and he made a nice refreshing new world for us to play in.
   It is post-acopalyptic and there are humans and vampires. They use guns and stuff and the plot is really good too. I love my character named Sweet Death. I am totally making this my new alias. So if you ever see someone named Sweet Death around the internet, it is probably me. She is the coolest character ever!
   Anyways I have nothing actually useful to write once again, except I can mention, that I have not done my weekly book for two weeks now. Or kept any of my promises in general.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Resume the role-plays with the "Island" game. Write the weekly book."

Cheers!

PS: "Red" is the best DM. Only I am as good. We could dominate the world together. And other worlds. And underworld. And other dimensions. And... This must be the shortest blog post I will ever make.

Being a God is a tough job.

2009-02-19T00:12:00.006+02:00

   I should get paid for being a DM. It is a seriously hard job to do. Allow me to explain.
   First of all I need to know everything about the players characters. Their likes/dislikes, appearance, personality, history and even future to some extent. Then I need to know all the same things about each NPC (read: Non Playing Character - meaning characters that I control). There are like HUNDREDS of them. Some are really minor, that's true, but there are like 30 characters that are important in the plot and I need to know them detailed. For third I need to know the history of the world itself, in which the game happens. I need to know why it's there, what kind of races live there, how large is the population, how big is the area, what are the major towns/cities/villages, where some of the minor/major plot places are located at, how long it takes to get from point A to point B as a human/vampire/werewolf, I need to know the history of each race etc. Well you get the point there. I need to know everything they normally write in a history book. And more! They do not write future there. Actually make it the amount of 10 history books.
   Now that you get the point of what I must remember (and yes I do have a huge amount of saved files which contain the information I need. But most of it must still be in my head. All the time.) I shall give you a situation of war. Vampires versus Werewolves. All main characters and NPC's participate. I have to think for three players. Who attacks them, from where, how, do they manage to attack back/block/parry etc. Then I need to think the same thing for the enemy and all the NPC's. Now the war contains about 3000-5000 heads each side! This was crazy! My brain was letting out hot steam after it was over. And then I had trouble remembering who died, who lost their sane mind and so on. Well it was not THAT hard. I mean all I pretty much said was: "some wolf attacks you from your right. You can't block, it bites into your leg/arm."
   Yesterday I realised - THAT WAS NOTHING! I did not have to control every wolf. They were like a mass, I didn't have to give them a seperate personality. Now the recent game was a true hell.
   A ball. Yes, a f*ucking ball in a huge castle with at least 500 or more characters, from whom at least 50 require my constant attention about their activities. I knew at that moment I should of killed more characters in the war. Anyways, I spent whole night thinking about the coming ball. I even thought of it when I woke up, as if I had never stopped even in my sleep. So I had managed to plan it all out in my head. Time to play! Hell! First of all the ball was a masquerade. Add magic. What do you get? People who can transform into absolutely anyone. Now add the masquerade's subject - be someone you adore. Obviously all the less important characters would take the forms of their leaders or masters. Was not too hard to make a full house of healers take the form of their Lordess Elwina. That was the easy part. Then there came about 9 Lords, who each have unique personality and traits. I had to think for each of them. Who will they become, why, will someone understand it's them, will they have contact with the players etc. So instead of 9 Lords I had gotten used to, I had 18 Lords who I barely knew. The original ones + the ones they appeared as. In the game it was difficult to remember who was who and what did they do. Not to mention a bunch of second-rate characters and the Master himself. Bleh! Somehow I got it over with though. Didn't pull it too long. Else I would of failed at remembering who was who.

00:30AM it is the bedtime...

   ...for me. Yup! Somehow I got them off my back. Even though "Red" was in agony. I had to end the game for him at the most interesting spot. He is about to find out if his entire character will be tortured to death or will he live on in agony, blaming himself for killing like 500 people and some of them are his friends. Almighty love! Yes "Red"'s girlfriend is the reason. Shall see what happens.
   Anyways, I was a good girl today and did some useful stuff too. I finally went through most of the music I have in my PC. I never even listened to half of them. Now I did and also transferred them into my phone. Yay! Have been planning on getting some music on it for a while now. I also went to school! It counts right? Even though I only was there for one class. I will get away with it. I always do somehow.
   I did not finish the weekly books chapter though. Still. It is half done and I just didnt manage to make it. I shall try harder tomorrow. Reminds me I will be going to the movies with "Red" then. I hope he shows up. We are going to watch Underworld. Yay! It is damn expensive. *Sob*
   At around 7PM I slept a bit, till my minions woke me with a phone call (read: several failed attempts to reach me and finally call me on my home number). I saw a funny dream. I saw one of my NPC characters named Lordess Elwina and "Aradian" in a barn. I can't recall what they were doing there, but "Aradian" was annoyed because Elwina wanted an egg from his chicken. The chicken was currently in the possession of the Master, who had to decide whether or not to give Elwina the egg. "Aradian" was desperately trying to make sure the egg remains. I can't recall once again what happened in the end. I think I was woken up at that point. Neither do I remember the arguments those two used to get the egg into their possession. Odd dream.
   Tomorrow I am going to school too, for the first four classes at least. It will be P.E. and electro-technics. Yay for me.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Do the weekly book chapter two. Go to school for the first 4 classes. Go to the movies with "Red". Add some more music to the phone. Consider studying something - such as chemistry. Bang your head against the wall, because you decided not to study and lost your school money. Hate yourself for it. Get over it and do a role-playing session. Try better next time."

Boo!

PS: I had a tummy ache earlier :( *sob*

Oh the love!

2009-02-17T22:21:00.007+02:00

   Dear Lord LOL! My little minions are very pissed off. "Aradian" decided (s)he would not play with us today, because (s)he had school. Others cursed (her)him with all imaginable words and I laughed my ass off. What a fun!
   Other than that, today I drank some tea. And then I dran some more tea.
   I slept too, at some point.
   Then I made some game for the minions, till "Aradian" left of course.
   Nothing has happened really. I only write here because Susanna highly demands.
   Instead of typing a bunch of useless words, I am going to upload some more funny pictures.

Pain for breakfast.

Love.

Happy Face.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"No more promises? I can't think of any for now. Finish the 2nd chapter of the weekly book?"

This is a good-bye.

PS: PS is that there is no PS for a change.

PS2: No, there is going to be a PS after all. Susanna and I decided that if WTF means What The Fuck, then FTW means Fuck The What. I don't care what you think it means. Counts what I say it means. Actually there was one more good line, but I have to ask her what it was tomorrow. Me and my goldfish memory.

Hi, I am Major Hangover. Nice to meet you.

2009-02-15T13:51:00.013+02:00

Yes, like the title states, I am having a massive hangover. Valentine's day was....well....drunk? I guess a bottle of rum per person is a bit much.
Okay, so let me trace back to the 14th February...

Valentine's day - 14. February 2009 06:00PM...

   ...my friend Eva was at my place. With a bottle of rum and 2 litres of Coca-Cola. We start consuming the named products. Meanwhile we listen to some music. We have different tastes about music, but nothing that being drunk can't overcome. In a few hours we manage to empty the bottle and decide we need more....
   Then it was near 9PM when we arrived at the shop. We bought another half litre bottle of rum and 2 litres of Fanta to go with it. Everything is very funny of course and we sing random lyrics from songs we can't remember correctly, all the way till we reach my place again...
   Eva decides it would be an excellent idea to meet up with one of her male friends, who happens to live on the same street, though far away. We meet him and walk around a bit aimlessly. Then we (read: Eva and him) decide to go to his place. So I go back into my house to find my parents annoyed with my current not too sober state. I get the rum and get the hell out again. My memory erased the part where I had a conversation with my mum...
   We get to his place somehow. I am fairly sure we used a bus to get there. It's nothing special there, but I liked the cat. Again I wander around the room aimlessly, drinking the remains of the second rum. He joins us at that part. Then him and Eva start to make out and have sex on the big bed. I was not amused. I ignored it though. Then I found myself in the toilet, hugging the pot a couple or more times. They claimed I made out with it for an entire hour. I would bet it was even longer...
   Then I go to sleep in the other bed. I am woken up at 7AM and we make our way home again. At least I made my way home. Eva went to hers in Kohila. And the dude had to go to work. Ha Ha!
   At home I instantly go back to sleep. Somehow I managed to do it. I slept till like 10AM, then turned another side and slept till midday, then turned again and slept for one more solemn hour. Now I am fully awake and cursing my messed up stomach. Managed to eat something though, so I feel a bit better now. I hope to do a role-playing session today...

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Never. Drink. Again."

See you soon!

PS: I am definitely not keeping this promise!

PS2: A must see video! Mean little kitty.

PS3: Yes, I drew the "Alone" picture myself. In paint. Me likes it.

Friday 13th. No ill omens. Except "tomorrow is Valentine's". Sigh.

2009-02-13T21:58:00.011+02:00

   I do not believe in the ill omens of the 13th friday. Unless it means the next day is going to be 14th and Valentine's day. I HATE 14th Fabruary. No more comments on that topic
   I stood home from school today. No way I am going to face pre-valentines day in there too. Not happening. I won't stick my nose out on this day.
   I am having random headaches. Am I weird?
   I do not have anything useful to say, yet I am still typing. Am I weird?
   I came to the conclusion that I am weird as hell. Topic closed.

09:56PM I finally finished...

   ...the Aswina Scrap! YAY!
   About time I kept my promises. Well it was "Nenya" who made me do it, but still! I finally did it. 6 and a half pages. Pretty darn impressive. Only Lauren scrap was about as big. 8 pages there. I am good. I love my inspirational music in youtube. Made a special role-play playlist for them.
   No role-play for my poor minions for a while. They need to be all together now, for me to play with them. I can not do seperate ones. Sigh. I wonder where "Red" went? Usually he is one of the most persistant ones about the game. Hmm...

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Stop promising stuff you do not intend to keep. Sigh. Do the math homework. Do the other homeworks too! Not happening. Lol."

Sayonara!

PS: Yea I typed goodbye wrong. So f*cking what? :P

PS2: I remembered something. I told my dad I plan staying home today because I hate the Valentine's day. He said I can dress in black and still go to school. All I would need to say was: "I am emo. I do not have friends. The day has no effect on me." Needless to say, I laughed my ass off. Still stood home though, like mentioned before.

Today.

2009-02-11T18:29:00.007+02:00

   Today I went to school. Nothing happened. I got home and made some pancakes. Still nothing happened. Then I went to meet with my friend Eva. Nothing happened, again. Till now - nothing happned. Still.
   Yesterday was more interesting. I went to school and got some good grades. Nothing happened. But then I got home with one of my classmates. I made pancakes and had a fun chat with her.
   Day before that, I decided to work on my rusty Photoshop skills. I tried to draw a picture using only brushes. No references or guides used. It looks ugly and out of proportion, but decent enough. I plan on changing the hair and some positioning (the ear!). I shall post it here though. Have a laugh!

It is called: "Cry"

Sometime later yesterday (Tuesday)...

   I decided to go to bed early. No game for the addicts! Poor little sad kittens. So I went to sleep at like 8PM. Yeah, I know! And I slept till 7.30AM too. Woke up still tired this morning. Sigh.
   Anyways, the point is that I saw a really cool dream. I suppose it was somehow affected by the almost recent roleplay about the wars between vampires and werewolves.
   In this dream I was the female leader of the werewolves. I was mostly in my human form. I remember being in a room with some tables and chairs. It was messy, clothes everywhere. I know for sure, before that there was all kind of adventures and a long story about why I am in this room. I forgot once I woke up though. Anyways, I was in this room and then I tell one of my minions to go and tell my other minions something. I think I told them to get ready, because the war with the vampires is coming closer. The vampires were attacking us. In the actual game werewolves attacked vampires.
   So the messenger goes and comes back with a blue eye and says: "Take a guess". It was a funny sight, but very unfunny to me in this dream. Because it meant something bad. It meant the vampires were there already. I told him to get everyone ready in an instant and wait for me. He leaves. I start looking for my armor in this messy room, obviously forgetting I won't need one, once I transform into the werewolf. Finally I find it. Big red shiny armor with an helmet and everything.
   I went out there and next thing I remember was standing infront of a huge army of werewolves. All in their wolf form, some still transforming. "Everyone ready yourselves!" I yelled. Then we saw the vampire army. Almost as big as ours and really scary. Here comes the depressing part.
   Everything is really tense and stuff. There is some epic babble like always before the battle actually begins. Finally we charge and the vampire army charges at us. I remember being really scared. Afraid for my life, but once the adrenaline hit me, I was furious. I held this red scythe, a little bit better looking than the original tool. It was nicely designed and the cutting edge was really sharp and a bit smaller than the real one. Just like the handle was smaller. Anyways we crash into the vampires and I swing it..............and am woken up by my alarm clock. Sigh. Such a loss!

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"ASWINA SCRAP FOR THE SAKE OF ALL POWERFUL (me)!!! DO IT! DO IT! Role-playing. DO IT TOO! Ummm...and do everything else you did not do already. Promise yourself to keep promises and actually keep that one!"

See you later, alligator!

PS: KEEP YOUR PROMISES, YOU STUPID B*TCH!

R.I.P. I am dead.

2009-02-08T15:27:00.006+02:00

   Just like the title says. I entirely fulfilled my promise to make a decent role-play. Though failed at everything else. Still! This was one long and exhausting role-play. Even made me skip a day of blogging. It was entertaining though. I have no plans of role-playing in the nearest ten lives of mine. Though it does not mean I won't. Little minions know how to work me around.
   Today I went to the movies with my mom. I can't be arsed to even type out the name of the film, because it sucked. Wasted a good part of my youth. Now I plan on doing a chronological timeline for the events that happened in the role-play and fulfill some of the older promises. Such as Aswina scrap. Will see what life brings next.
   Later today (read: after the movies and some TV) I....role-played. I am seriously considering seeing a doctor about this. Well what the hell, I just keep going.
   Other than that, I got rejected by "Nenya" to be my girlfriend. Sucks! I'll get over it. (I still do need my book back)
   Found some of my old poems. No I am not posting them. Just making you all want to see them. Not because you are interested in poetry, but because you are curious to see how much they can make you laugh or how much worse they are then yours. Sorry to dissapoint, they are probably better!

01:04 AM my day...

...comes to an end. Tomorrow is school. I go to the door. I decide there if I go or not. Highly depends on whether or not I run into my classmates on the way. Might go to the movies later with "Red". Who by the way also rejected to start dating me. I am miserable!

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"I can't keep any of them. Why make them? Sigh. Role-play. Again. For hours. ASWINA SCRAP GOD DAMN IT! Erase emo moments. Have had a few too many. Convince yourself there is someone in the world willing to date you. Punish yourself for not making the Aswina scrap. Again."

Emo byes.

PS: Seriously. I am getting a little fat here! I need to work out. (Little fat means little fat. I dont mean I need to lose weight, I mean I need to make my stomach look like a stomach rather than loose skin, which stretches when I pull it.)

Weekend! YAY!

2009-02-06T18:20:00.009+02:00

Boo! Today was quite fun. "Red" showed up. I was pleased. We talked and had fun. Then we met up with another friend (Sten) and went out to eat. Nothing happened, that I would like to blog about. But will happen. I plan on doing a really great role-play session tonight. (Yes. I did not go to school. Me be sorry.) Oh, right. And I found a new way to put my hair. I look better now. At least for my own eyes.

07:53PM I am home...

...from "work". I had to install a new DVD player into an old machine. The scenario looked like this: I go there, say hi, take off my coat. I open the PC cage, take out the CD player, disconnect the wires. Put in the DVD player and reconnect the wires. Put the cage back together and I am finished. I say bye and get a ride home. They decided my skill was amazing and paid me 200 EEK for unplugging and replugging a wire. I am surprised how easy it is to make profit from people who lack basic knowledge about computer construction. I tryed to refuse the money, but since I am in a bit of a critical situation and they declared it most important that I accept....well I do not feel guilty! (Only a little bit)

00:18AM my day once again...

...comes to an end. Today I role-played! Yay! Nothing else useful happened afterwards. Right. I shall get to the point then. I promised I'd confess in todays post, so here goes: I love you Nenya. Will you go out with me?

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Make a full day role-playing session to minions. Finish some more scraps. Continue with the weekly appearing book. Eat."

Good night! Sweet dreams!

PS: From yesterdays promise I failed to get drunk and go to school. I also did not even start my MUST DO about Aswina scrap. Man I suck. I shall try to complete all those tomorrow.

There is no such thing as "rape" anymore. Nowadays they know it as "surprise sex".

2009-02-05T08:54:00.011+02:00

   Good morning world! It is almost 9 AM and the birds are singing. There is about -6 degrees outside and little wind. The clouds are...
   ...hang on a second. This aint the weather forecast, is it?
   Today began as any other normal weekday. I go to school door then turn around and come right back home. Hey! I need my exercise too.
   The possibilities for today are limitless. I could sit infront my PC or lounge infront my PC or get rid of the chair completely and kneel infront of my PC. The point is, every action will involve the PC. Either I am going to write some scraps or start the weekly book. Or I am going to design something. Or I am simply going to browse around randomly. Or I keep writing here about stuff I could do and never actually get into doing them. I suppose the smartest move at the moment is to come back when I have something to say...

03:31PM I wake up...

...from my daily nap. Earlier today, before going to sleep, I also started with the weeky book. Whee!!! Other than that, nothing worth mentioning really happened, except "Red" left me hanging in the morning. Well that was to be expected, so I am not going to whine. I shall be smarter next time. Was my own fault for not considering that option more seriously. I should have known. Stupid me. *Facepalm* I go sulk for a bit now and then continue to write the book.

08:38PM I recieve...

...a fun drawing from my online friend. He made it himself. I decided it was cool enough to post it here. It is called "Back to the tradition".

Ah, here. He sent me another one, which I like even more. This ones title is "Aquarius":

11:14PM my day...

...ends. That is it. I wrote 1.5 chapters on the book and did a tiny bit of role-playing. Good enough!

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Meet up with "Red". Again. Consider the option he will not show up. Consider it well! Do a decent role-play. Go to school. Write scrap for Aswina(MUST DO!). Get drunk."

Must. Keep. Promises. To. Myself. Bye.

A regular day.

2009-02-04T14:23:00.020+02:00

   Hello! I am home from school which means I have filled at least a part of the promise. I stayed there for entire day and I have a feeling my test in physics went quite well too.
   I shall skip the part about my daily school life and get to the only interesting episode that happened today so far.
   Me and my classmate (yes, the same one from yesterday) were at the bank. She needed to take out some money from the cash machine. So she enters the card and babbles something. I wasn't really listening. I only hear the part where she says something stupid like "My card is going to come out from the cash machine next to this one". I am like huh? This is not possible. I look at the machine next to me and for my surprise, a card really does come out from there! I was stunned. I took it and stared at it, then finally noticed it was not hers, but someone else had forgotten theirs. We gave it to the teller. But man, that scared the hell out of me!
   That is it for now. I am about to finish the Elizabeth scrap and prepare a game for "Red". "Nenya" said she will take her sweet time before she is home.

04:42PM I decide...

...that I have something to add here. I finished the Elizabeth scrap. I am not too happy with it. I plan on editing it some more. Now I have to plan for a role-play. Sigh. Anyways, I actually wanted to post a really cool Youtube link here. If you are familiar with the background story, it should be twice as hilarious to you!

Click here for the hilarious stuff!
(Opens in a new window)

00:23AM is technically a new day...

...but my almost bedtime has arrived now. I had a little bit of sad mood today. Nothing serious. It passed. I played a little role-play too. Nothing too fancy again (for some at least). Tomorrow I will probably skip school and meet up with "Red" for some movies. If he shows up that is. He has a history of blowing me off. Shall see. Other than that I shall post some funny pictures to keep the post entertaining.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Meet up with "Red" and go to the movies. Do another role-play! Redesign the blog using Photoshop. Write another scrap. Start with the promised weekly appearing book for "Red"."

Good Night!

Today was nice :)

2009-02-03T19:14:00.039+02:00

   I know I promised to keep my posts short and more interesting to read....BUT I can't help it. I have gained a desperate need to write all about my boring daily life. Here goes:
   School! Whee. No, seriously it was quite fun today. I got some good grades and the day was short enough and I ate too, for a change. Then after school a classmate of mine managed to trick me into shopping with her. I hate shopping, but she has this magic way of making people do as she likes. So we shopped for some new boots for her. Meanwhile she managed to get us almost lost between the shops. My legs hurt. She got herself nice boots. I am happy for her. Then we drank some tea at my dad's working place. Niiiice. Actually we drank that before heading on to the next shop, but I suppose it makes no difference in the long run. Finally I get back to the working place and get a ride home. Yay! He did not have much work to do today. Talk about lucky. We stop by the mall as usual and I get myself a nice, warm and cheap hat. Cool! It's black too. I like it. Then back to home. We talked a lot too, was fun.
   At home I solved some of the crossword in the magazine. Man do I suck at it or what? I gave up in the end. And here I am again. Thinking whether I should do a role-play or write another little scrap about the role-play characters. I am bending towards the scrap...

10:26PM the day is near it's end...

...and I am tired. Failed with the scrap. Instead I ended up role-playing with "Red" and "Nenya". *also mentions "Aradian", purely for the sake of typing out the name* Nothing else worth mentioning has happened so far. Tomorrow I have a test in physics. *shivers*
Well since I have nothing more actually useful to say, I figured I could simply post some jokes instead. Enjoy!

***

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike.
"Nice bike," the cop said,
"Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little girl said,
"He sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying:
"Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said:
"Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said:
"Next year tell Santa the d*ck goes underneath the horse, not on top!"

***

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money. They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says:
"I make bets."
The president replies:
"Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says:
"For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" says the president,
"That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."
The old lady says:
"So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," says the president,
"I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady says:
"OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"
"Sure," says the president.
That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet. The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this. The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.
"Well, OK," says the president,
"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady:
"What is wrong with your lawyer?"
She replies:
"Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hands!"

***

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her:
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked:
"Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked:
"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said:
"Go ahead, Father. Next!"

***

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Actually finish Elizabeth's vision of the fight scrap. Do a decent role-play for "Nenya" and "Red" and "Aradian". Stay in school till the end of classes and actually go there in the first place. Succeed with the plot I have planned for "Red"."

See you!

PS: Last promise almost fulfilled. I did role-play a bit, though not nearly enough for it to count as decent. I did start writing a scrap that promises to be amusing. I also did make up a good plot, I am just unable to do it at the very moment. This one takes time to be fulfilled. Hey! At least I did not fail completely!

Ah, a bright new day! Promising. nods enthusiastically

2009-02-02T09:03:00.033+02:00

   So, same day, little later.
   After getting my refreshing almost three hours of sleep, I had to get up. School. Yes, you have no idea how I waited for it.
   The day had begun for me at around 2 AM, when I was making my very first blog post. I was kept up late by my loyal companions, once again. Well I can not have them take all the blame. I was kind of reading through my old scraps of word art. Yes, beautiful little stories that had all intended to become a part of a bigger book, but entirely failed at it. Before I noticed it was near 4 AM and I rushed into my cosy little bed, so I would not die of exhaustion right at 7 AM, when I was supposed to get up.
   All starts as normal. I get up, clean myself, dress, attempt to pretty myself with the usual failure. Nothing there to remind me there is -10 degrees waiting for me outside. Had I remembered it, I would of instantly gained fever or other potentially lethal disease and stayed home. Well once it was too late, I realised what was outside and nicely packed myself with gloves and hats and stuff. It was quite warm in the car though! At the school entrance, where I got dropped off, the actual length of my tiredness finally hit me. I decided I would not go today, though I had promised myself to go. Well technically I promised myself I would go today OR tomorrow. So tomorrow it is. That is a promise.
   Back on the bus it is, hoping no one from my class would see me, purely because they would probably manage to change my mind about going to school and since I had so nicely made up my mind about not going, I kind of figured it would be a waste to not seize the moment.
   After 15 minutes of walking in the frost, my legs finally gave in to it. They went totally numb which by itself was not a bad thing, as the actual feeling of cold was getting on my nerves. However I could still feel the two blocks of dry ice moving under me, so I was certain I had not stopped. True, the constant closing of my house was a sign too, but I just had to make it sound as dramatic as possible.
   As I entered the gate my cat literally yelled at me. I could practically hear her screaming at me: "How dare you leave me in this freezing weather and take off?" With that we went in.
   Ahh! The warmth! Nothing is ever too hot again. Till summer of course.
   That is it for the moment. As the day continues I shall add here what happens. If anything happens. I will probably end up writing some more scraps or start with the first chapter of a regular weekly appearing....ummm...part of a book? "Red" and I decided I would start writing him a piece once a week. Sounds entertaining enough.
   I am also seriously considering getting some sleep right about now. On the other hand, I would like to go to sleep on a normal time today, meaning around midnight. Ah, what a debate!

10:13AM the day goes on...

...little more interestingly than I had expected. I sent off some of my scraps to my friend Susanna who then instantly got all hyper about one specific one. She claimed it to be good enough to be published. Trick was, it was a reality based article, rather than an actual scrap. Her brother works in a newspaper company too, so I figured why not. Go for it. Shall see what comes of all of it.

11:18PM the day finally ends...

   ...exactly the way it should. I am fixing to go to bed. Let me think for a moment about what I did till now.
   Hmm. Nothing out of the ordinary I suppose.
   I slept, even though I should not have. I slept till like 5 PM. Got up, browsed in the internet and actually filled my promise for the day. (Reference to the previous post) I DM'ed a decent role-play for "Nenya" and "Aradian". "Red" failed to show up. I wonder what's up with him? Random guess - he is with his other best friends! Nuuuuu! Oh well. So bed time it is. And tomorrow is school. Like promised. It is going to be an easy day. Three mother tongues and four computer sciences. Nothing I can't handle. I will get off early from the computer science anyways.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Do another decent role-play with the minions. Make up a good plot. Write something amusing to read or at least pretend it is amusing."

Bai-Bai!

PS: I just realized I managed to post two extra large posts in one day. Shame on me. If it was up to me, I would write ten more pages about my boring daily life. I will try to keep next ones less detailed and more interesting to read!

The first and always worst post.

2009-02-02T02:06:00.046+02:00

   Okay. So here I am, sitting behind my screen and staring this dumb looking page, that's explaining me how I am supposed to enter my message to the world here.
   The world will never listen, who cares what I say here?
   Well, if it wasn't for "Red" (He will recognize his name), I would of probably dropped the idea of blogging long before it even reached my mind.
   And hell yes, I am doing it in English. I know I said the world won't listen, but I can't help but to want to increase my chances with it.
   Enough with the introduction. I always end up making a long dramatic entrance, unless I stop myself early enough. So here goes.

Today - 02. February 2009
(for one hour and 44 minutes already. This day starts off good!)

   So what happened? For the first entry I will try to be detailed.
   I woke up in the morning around like maybe 11 AM. It was annoying because someone called me. I could of slept another hour. Or two. Or overslept at all. Anyways, the one who called was my somehow-somewhere relative. I have never really figured out from which end. He had made recent contact with me again when they (he and his wife) bumped into me in the mall. So today he called to discuss a topic we had opened earlier, his computer. He is not very good with them and I do not mind helping, but hell yes I do mind being woken up by a phone call. Oh well, either way his wife happened to have another problem, which was the amazing ability to mysteriously delete the Microsoft Word document she had been working on for a while. A total loss of 20 or more pages. So being nice, cute and helpful and totally still in the dreamland, I said "Yes" to the poor person's call for aid. I realized only later what I had done, but it was too late. I had to get up because they were picking me up at 2 PM.
   Done with eating and dressing and cleaning myself and trying to make myself look pretty (entirely failed by the way with the last one) they finally arrived. So my mom decides it's the perfect moment to announce me that it is frigging -16 degrees Celsius out there. I was devastated. As if that weren't enough, it was promised to be even colder. Brr!
   I got to his place and checked the computer. Wow! They had managed to clean up some space on it. It is an old computer and had all 40GB filled the last time I saw it, a week ago. But it had a nice 7GB free now. I like working space. They said their daughter had gladly agreed to erase some of the movies. Grand. So I check the file and declare it is impossible to be restored. That was of course after like 2 hours of trying to restore it in various ways. They had to rewrite the 20 pages. Shit happens. I also decided that, since I was there, I'd take a look inside their poor machine to see how I could help it. Poor thing was dusty as hell, but that was to be expected. Nothing serious in there, it looked like an antique computer should. I help them out again by searching for some cheap DVD players/writers online along with a new hard drive and help them boost their old man. Time to go then. My somehow relative is nice enough to take me home. Brr again!
   So home I do the essentials (read: eating, relaxing behind PC, toilet) and move on with my role-playing group. They are always a pain nowadays. I used to enjoy this, but lately they are getting plain annoying. Freaks got addicted and beg me to DM (read: Please Goddess do us a game! Please Please Please WE NEEDS IT) for them every available second. So I decide to give in and DM the poor fellows for some gaming. I am not up for much though, so I decide it is easier simply to write a story or two and have them read it. I ended up liking this part actually. I discovered (read: Realized once again) that I am a grand storyteller. Obviously my little stories based on the role-play characters were a great hit and got them off my back for a while. I was surprised they gave up so easily. Anyways, I ended up having a conversation with this "Red" (Hey!) guy. Surprisingly. Usually we don't talk. We play role-play, send each other stupid/fun/porn links or do other mentally and physically useless stuff. But then somehow the topic ended up with blogs. And here I am now, an entire day written down. Almost. I skipped a few details, such as watching a cool TV show named Ärapanija They are grand. Got to laugh at the politics again.
   Should be all for the first post? I suppose.

A promise to myself I most likely intend NOT to keep:

"Do a decent role-play for "Red" and "Nenya" in the evening. Also try not to forget about "Aradian"."

Sigh. This one is doomed before I even type it out. Laters!

Azelena's thoughts conquer your mind..

Sacrificial Piece

Still in Sweden.

Day 1?

It hurts inside my head.

20th and 21st June in Gothenburg.

Sweden. Gothenburg. Guild meeting.

Update vol2.

To update you about my life, those who care xD

Click. Brain unlocks.

Fail.

Demanded.

EDUCATIONAL OVERLOAD!

Sealed Away Trilogy

Yes, it is indeed a post.

Finland. Day 1, 2 and half of the 3rd.

Happy Birthday to me!

LARP.

Good evening, I am zombie.

Oh noes! She made a post!

After a while.

Impure.

Hangover.

Success. Win.

Practice.

I have one too many lives.

Perfection is imperfect. So is imperfection.

Epic Fail.

Brain dead. Again.

Today blows.

To Do List for today.

No Title. (Because I am braindead & couldn't come up with it.)

Disaster.

Doomsday.

Again some day.

Being a God is a tough job.

Oh the love!

Hi, I am Major Hangover. Nice to meet you.

Friday 13th. No ill omens. Except "tomorrow is Valentine's". Sigh.

Today.

R.I.P. I am dead.

Weekend! YAY!

There is no such thing as "rape" anymore. Nowadays they know it as "surprise sex".

A regular day.

Today was nice :)

Ah, a bright new day! Promising. *nods enthusiastically*

The first and always worst post.

Ah, a bright new day! Promising. nods enthusiastically